Fear not! Here’s everything you need to grok the schlock.

So on this planet, on the continent of North America there lies a country called the United States of America (Fuck yeah). Its population is governed at the highest level by the federal government, which in theory is spilt up into three separate branches; by name, the Executive, the Legislative and the Judicial. The Legislative creates laws, also known as opinions with guns, the Executive enforces the laws, also known as the guns, and the Judicial decides whether or not the other two branches are following the rules and using the guns properly.

In reality the roles have begun to blur to the point that it’s difficult to know what branch is supposed to do what; but that’s a tale for another time.

Now those crisscrossing lines all over the place on the map delineate boundaries between the states of the United States of America. They serve to let us know where one “state” begins and another ends. Think of states as mini countries within a country! Sure, why not? It fits with what I’m about to say anyway.

Just as the big country has a government, each mini country has a mini government that’s essentially a smaller scrappier copy of the bigger government. Think of it as the little bully behind the big bully.

Instead of a President in the executive branch, we have a governor. Instead of the US congress we have state legislatures. Instead of the US supreme court we have state supreme courts.

Aside from that, everything works just as horribly, just smaller. It’s like diet government.

Our eponymous character, Charles Smith, is the governor of REDACTED , a state so ashamed of itself for allowing him into the seat of power that it redacts its identity in real time. Seriously. I’ll try to say its name right now. REDACTED . The state of REDACTED . Hold on, let me try sneaking up on it… and… wait for it… REDACTED . Nope. no good.

Anyhow, on to the cast.

Charles Smith is an asshole. That’s his character. really. I’d love to add more to fill this gaping hole but I’d be wasting my time. OK fine, he’s the governor, I guess that’s something.

This is Sherman Schottky, Charles Smith’s loyal personal bodyguard, and overburdened factotum. She is in love with Charles Smith primarily for purposes of narrative convenience, because I can’t fathom any other reason that makes any sense whatever. I’m sure she has her reasons.

This is May beans. She’s the speaker of the state legislature, who hates Smith and is an ex lover of Sherman’s. WARNING: THAT WAS A SPOILER. Naturally she and Smith get on like oil on water.

Can Sherman keep her boss alive long enough to deliver his first state of the state address? Or failing that, long enough to have lunch? Find out in:

CIVIL SERVANT SMITH.